Guest marriage: what does it mean? Pros and cons of guest marriage.

Lover, mistress - attractive, mysterious, romantic. A legal wife or husband is boring, monotonous, but dignified. And if you combine these different roles into one, say, create a “guest marriage”?

Spouses and lovers are like two poles. Combining seemingly such different roles into one whole, we get a guest marriage. Recently, such a phenomenon as guest marriage or “spouses-lovers” has become more and more common. Is this a new round of relationships or is it time to sound the alarm?

Together, but separately or, what is a guest marriage

What is a guest marriage? For some it is a perversion, but for others it is an indicator of a high level of relationship. And in fact? Let's take a look at Wikipedia!

Guest marriage is a marriage registered in the relevant government authorities, in which the spouses live separately and do not maintain a common household.

But in reality?
Many people think that they have a child together, the new father sometimes comes, sometimes he throws money, or buys some kind of toy, and sometimes stays for the night, so from old memory these are spouses-lovers. No, that's not true!
A guest marriage is considered to be a marriage registered in accordance with all laws in the registry office. Spouses can even build a summer house together, buy a refrigerator or a sofa, but live in separate apartments. But they have no other families! They live separately, but spend family holidays together, go on visits together and even have children. Children can live with both their father and mother, and communicate with their grandparents. The thought of having lovers does not even occur to the spouses; they love each other dearly.

Pros of guest marriage

Does modern man need it? , loyalty go somewhere into the background. Women in the modern world are self-sufficient and can cope without men. In addition, quite often one hears: “The family was broken up due to everyday problems...” Perhaps a guest marriage is a way out of this situation? There is no need to think: “? How ? And most importantly, you don’t even have to think about who should come first in the family, a man or a woman? And all everyday problems are reduced to a minimum!
Every meeting is a joy! We miss each other! Either a romantic dinner by candlelight, or going to a restaurant, or visiting friends. Not life, but a fairy tale!
All the problems everyone has in their apartment remain. But, if trouble suddenly knocks at home, there is a loved one who you can turn to and he will come to the rescue.
At first glance, there are a lot of advantages: you don’t need to change your habits, adapt, and sex is not the notorious marital duty. And complete independence!

Disadvantages of guest marriage

This seemingly ideal marriage also has its downsides. Which?
The first, of course, is public opinion. Not everyone understands such relationships, and sooner or later, conversations and hints from relatives and friends can ruin marital relationships.
Not least of all is the disadvantage of uncertainty. There is no firm confidence that a loved one will always come to the rescue.
And most importantly, children, children should communicate with both dad and mom. And in a guest marriage, children, as a rule, live with their mother, and the main worries fall on her shoulders.
But regardless of who the children live with, sooner or later a situation may arise when one of the spouses, the one raising the children, simply explodes. A guest marriage may cease to exist.

Psychologists' opinions on guest marriage

Psychologists believe that a guest marriage will be successful if:

Both spouses are financially secure: they have a decent income.
Both spouses have their own separate housing.
Both spouses share the same views in raising children.
Career for spouses is higher than family relationships.
Neither spouse has the desire to command the other.

A guest marriage will fail if:

There is a large age difference between the spouses.
The spouses belong to different social circles.
Financial dependence of one of the spouses.
Neither spouse has their own home.
Serious illness of one of the spouses.

Making a choice
Every person has the right to choose what kind of marriage to live in, and whether to marry in general or not. An old eastern wisdom says:
“The beauty of marriage is that the person you love is always with you, but the main disadvantage of marriage is that the person you love is always with you.”

In a marriage, no matter what it is, everything is possible; it is like a long voyage, during which both strong storms and calm sailing occur, the main thing is to respect, love each other, be able to negotiate, and, of course, not betray.
“Find a partner you like, think carefully about this step and don’t waste time,” says another Eastern wisdom.

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Ksenia Chuzha

What is a guest marriage in the understanding of practical psychology? How “normal” is he?

Guest marriage is a general concept, which in most cases means the separate life of spouses. The organization of this life depends on the couple themselves. Someone lives completely independently, with the only difference that these are not meetings of lovers, but meetings of legal spouses. Someone, just like in a traditional family, has certain responsibilities, for example, joint planning of the budget and serious purchases, cooking, washing, cleaning, material support, and so on. From the point of view of family psychology, guest marriage is not a pathology if the spouses feel comfortable. In most cases this is a temporary phenomenon. It’s rare that families live in a guest marriage for decades. Sooner or later, husband and wife begin to live together or separate altogether.

A guest marriage is “abnormal” if one of the spouses is not ready for a union. Often these are infantile people who are not used to taking responsibility, or selfish people who do not want to seek compromises, improve relationships and lead everyday life together.

In this article we tried to give answers to the most common questions about guest marriage.

Who decides to have a guest marriage and why?

The decision to live separately depends on external circumstances - there is no suitable living space, frequent business trips, spouses live in different countries and cannot yet be together. Older couples often enter into guest marriages. Old age is a time when it is quite difficult to change habits and adapt to another person, but you want someone close to you, even at a distance. Sometimes couples on the verge of a breakup, looking for an opportunity to restore their family, decide on a guest marriage. A new form of relationship helps either to find a common language again, or the spouses come to the understanding that the feelings have exhausted themselves.

Creative personalities, big businessmen and politicians also often live in guest marriages. The first do not want to commit themselves to obligations and everyday life, the second and third simply cannot devote enough time to their family and need a calm environment after a working day.

It happens that a husband or wife agrees to such a marriage in the hope of keeping their soul mate who has strayed from the family. This is a wrong decision, which leads to the fact that relationships, already unhealthy, become completely pathological. The hopeful spouse tries to please during the next meeting, and the “lost one” simply accepts this as a tribute due to him.

How does guest marriage affect children?

It is extremely rare for spouses who have children together to live in a guest marriage. It is even rarer for happy children to live in such a family. The child, as a rule, does not receive enough attention from the “coming” parent. The mental state of a child in a guest marriage is practically no different from the state when the parents are divorced. Society also leaves its mark. In our society, it is not customary for spouses, much less parents, to live apart if they love each other and their children.

On the other hand, if dad and mom live in harmony with the child, then he will most likely grow up to be a psychologically adaptable, flexible person devoid of stereotypes. It is also expected that children will inherit the guest type of marital relationship. A child experiences a divorce from guest parents more easily than in the case of a divorce in an ordinary family.

How does a guest marriage affect the sex life of the spouses?

Of the benefits, many couples cite the preservation of a sense of novelty when the husband and wife were just exploring each other. Of course, this is a significant argument for those who do not want, for example, to see their wife in the morning in a worn-out dressing gown or watch their husband walking around the apartment in old sweatpants with protruding knees. For each meeting, both spouses in a guest marriage get themselves in order, because their meetings are far from the routine nightly “how was your day?” in ordinary families.

The downside is the possibility of betrayal. The lack of visibility of control can become a reason for going to the side, because no one will know about it anyway.

Can a guest marriage be strong?

Each union is unique. Its individuality lies in the fact that different married couples have different assessments of the level of “strength”, the strength of love, and the state of the “weather in the house”.

If two independent, strong personalities with a strong inner core of personality enter into marriage, then a guest marriage can be as full-fledged as a regular one. After all, many aspects of a traditional marriage, such as habit, certain family traditions, and the distribution of roles in the guest situation, also have their place. It’s just that this form of marriage is more complex, and therefore requires a special approach. If people who think stereotypically and conservatively are going to live in a guest marriage, then most likely the union will not be able to withstand the pressure of the same stereotyped attitudes.

What specific advantages and disadvantages does any guest marriage have?

Advantages and disadvantages are relative. After all, someone, for example, does not like to be separated from a loved one, while someone gets tired of the daily presence of their spouse. There are people who find inspiration in their familiar surroundings, and there are those who enjoy change and renewal.

But let’s try to categorize the features a little into relatively good and bad.

What do most people like about a guest marriage?

- freedom for freedom-loving people.
- the spouse always looks well-groomed.
- fewer reasons for empty everyday quarrels.
- fewer responsibilities.
- the effect of novelty is lost more slowly.
- relative financial independence.

Many people see the disadvantages as follows:

- lack of daily support.
- raising and caring for children rests almost entirely with one spouse.
- an idealized image of a spouse, because meetings are rare.
- subconscious provocation to play a double game, since there are almost no restraining factors.

As you can see, guest marriage is a special type of relationship between spouses. It requires a strong character, material security for both spouses (after all, everyone lives at their own expense). And although it is not an abnormal form of union of two, in the Slavic tradition such a marriage is most often temporary.

: Reading time:

While some argue which two people can be married, others explore the maximum allowable distance in a couple. Talks about guest marriages family psychologist Maria Samotsvetova.

Humans are the most social of all animals. Family is our first and strongest social group. Staying among relatives and being involved in society are necessary for our survival, so people will always find or come up with a format that is convenient for them (or that suits the situation) for living together. One of these forms is guest marriage. Let's try to figure out what it is, what its disadvantages and advantages are.

Previously, traditional marriage was based on the conditional impossibility of surviving without a husband (wife). Whether you want it or not, like it or not, and winter is coming, you need help, support, an ally and a comrade-in-arms. A woman could not survive and raise a child without the participation of a man until the mid-twentieth century. Maintaining a common household was a condition for survival.

Times change, and attitudes towards marriage change. In the modern Western world, guest marriage is becoming more and more common.

The concept of "guest marriage" means this type of family relationship when a man and a woman register their relationship in the registry office, but do not live together and do not lead a joint household. Issues of sexual fidelity and raising children are regulated by the spouses themselves in each family individually.

A guest marriage is a real, official union, as opposed to a civil marriage, in which the partners simply live together and are not legally bound. This is not a temporary condition; the partners strictly agree to live separately.

What does guest marriage mean? Often this is the second or third relationship experience for spouses. Before that, they had a long, ordinary, “full-fledged” marriage with children, loans, vacations with their mother-in-law and the gradual fading of love and passion, which ended in divorce. They have “played enough” of such a marriage, they got burned and don’t believe in it anymore, now they don’t want to be so close and so together, they want more freedom and independence, they want not to sacrifice their desires, they don’t want to look after children or a husband, they want to look after yourself; I want to be more partners than spouses.

Why do people choose to live separately? What are its advantages? Let's look at the pros and cons of guest marriage.

Pros of guest marriage

I see three main benefits (reasons) - convenience, freedom and an endless romantic period, which make this relationship almost ideal.

It is comfortable. You are the boss in your apartment: if you wanted, you scattered your socks, if you wanted, you drank beer, if you wanted, you didn’t vacuum. Sharing an apartment and life with someone (even if this is the most beloved and dearest person in the world) can be difficult. We must negotiate, give in, show flexibility, sensitivity, be attentive to the desires and needs of others, but also not forget about ourselves. It will not be possible to improve everyday life once and for all - this is a changeable system, and the set of rules is constantly being rewritten. That is, this is an eternal outflow of resources: remember about the unwashed floor, agree on who washes it, how and with what, negotiate again when necessary. It is much more comfortable to be responsible only for your own needs, whims and obligations.

The guest marriage is built under the slogan “Rely only on yourself!” And not in the sense of some global things, but in the most simple and ordinary ones - no one will take out the trash for you, no one will warm your tea.

It's independent. There is no need to correlate your time with your partner. A spouse in a guest marriage can manage her work and free time, focusing only on herself: if she wanted, she went to yoga after work (and not to the market for potatoes), and then to the cinema (and not to cook borscht at the stove). There is no need to ask for time off to go to a party with girlfriends, just as there is no need to make excuses for returning home too late and drunk.

It's romantic. Spouses in a guest marriage have a kind of eternal romance stage: dates, flowers, restaurants, weekends by the sea. In such a marriage there is practically no “everyday life” in which so many families have drowned.

Disadvantages of guest marriage

It seems tempting, but guest marriage has its pros and cons.

It's lonely. No matter how the supporters of guest marriage defend their freedom, no matter how much they shout about independence and autonomy, a guest marriage is a lonely marriage. Yes, there is a loved one, but he is not always available. For example, because he's at yoga after work and doesn't answer his phone.

Intimacy is about acceptance, about knowing your partner from all sides. And in a guest marriage, the spouses know each other rather from the front, the titular side.

The guest marriage is built under the slogan “Rely only on yourself!” And not in the sense of some global things, such as buying an apartment, but in the most simple and ordinary ones - no one will take out the trash for you, no one will warm your tea if you get caught in the rain, no one will fix a leaking toilet, no one will park your car for you . All responsibility lies solely on your shoulders. Yes, you can ask your visiting husband for help, but it will not be at all the same when you come home from work, and help has already been provided without any requests or reminders.

It's remote. A guest marriage is definitely not about intimacy, because intimacy is about acceptance, about knowing your partner from all sides. And in a guest marriage, the spouses know each other rather from the facade, the titular side, there is not enough time to study all facets.

It is not profitable. Whatever one may say, a wallet with two people working on it is usually thicker than a wallet with one person working on it.

Who is suitable for guest marriage?

Guest marriage is best suited for people who are focused on their career... and their ego.

Such a marriage can be chosen by people who are afraid of intimacy: the closer people are, the more vulnerable they are. Guest marriage is very safe - there is nothing to quarrel about.

Any joint activity of two people requires flexibility from them, the ability to agree, give in, share, or insist on their own. Marriage is a collaboration. Not all people succeed, and then a guest marriage is their option.

In matters of marriage, you need to rely on your feelings: how pleasant it is for me, how convenient it is for me, how useful it is for me, how normal it is for me personally.

Guest marriage cannot be called unequivocally good or bad - you need to try. For some it suits better, for others it doesn't suit at all. For example, it will be difficult for an anxious and distrustful woman not to suspect her visiting husband of cheating (although I fully admit that such a woman will regularly check her husband’s phone in an ordinary marriage). But for a withdrawn and secretive artist, everyday life will be a burden - the need to travel for groceries or work while pots rattle in the kitchen.

My personal opinion is that in matters of marriage (and in all other matters too) it is necessary to rely on your feelings: how pleasant it is for me, how convenient it is for me, how useful it is for me, how normal it is for me personally. If, after carefully evaluating and thinking, you have come to the conclusion that a guest marriage is for you, then go!

Each of us has our own individual characteristics, our own history of relationships, baggage from our parental families. Sometimes the combination of these factors prevents close relationships, living together or a happy life, and you don’t want to be alone. An alternative and solution for such people may be a guest marriage.

Rida Khasanova April 30, 2018, 00:26

A guest marriage is a union of two people who don't live together all the time. Sometimes such relationships with a separate life are only a temporary phenomenon, and sometimes people live comfortably in this regime for many years. This format of relationship can be with complete separation of finances and household responsibilities, but also with complete mutual support. Guest marriage also has Advantages and disadvantages.

What does guest marriage mean?

What is a guest (living) marriage? This means that with an officially registered relationship, each spouse has your own separate life. If you do not take into account official marriage, then these relationships are similar to the stage when a man and a woman just meet and go on dates.

Guest marriage in the modern world is alternative to the traditional family, desire for an open relationship and fear of intimacy with a partner. For those couples who are at the beginning of a relationship, guest marriage is a good opportunity to get to know each other better before starting a family with a common life.

It is important that long-distance relationships do not drag on for a long time, otherwise the habit of freedom and living separately can lead to separation after a minor quarrel

If one of the spouses is building a career, and due to work there is a need to live in different cities, then a guest marriage is the best opportunity to save relationships. If the partners trust each other and both want to save the marriage, then the conditions of a guest relationship are possible for a short period, after which a logical reunion will occur.

What obligations are established for spouses during a guest marriage, they decide independently. If the husband and wife are financially independent from each other, then there may be practically no such obligations.

In case the spouses have children, then responsibility increases, and obligations relate mainly to raising the child. In other cases, spouses during a guest marriage try to protect themselves as much as possible from each other’s problems.

Guest marriage and child

Guest marriage: psychology

According to psychology, guest marriage is not considered a pathology. This kind of relationship is perceived as another format of marriage that suits certain types of people.

Relationships will be harmonious only if both partners are happy with this situation for many years. Then a guest marriage can be considered a normal option

Guest marriage is the best relationship option, if the spouses:

cannot get along in everyday life, often quarrel over minor issues;
are building a career in different cities and countries;
are afraid of new relationships due to negative past experiences;
want to prolong the feeling of novelty and romance in a relationship;
value personal space and do not strive to adapt to each other;
belong to people of creative professions (actors, directors, artists or writers).

In such cases, for a man and a woman, a guest marriage is perhaps the only right solution to preserve love and mutual respect.

Spouses who have chosen a guest marriage

Guest marriage: esotericism

From the point of view of esotericism, representatives of such zodiac signs as Aries, Leo and Virgo. They are very comfortable sharing personal space and do not get annoyed due to discrepancies in habits and characters.

Taurus and Sagittarius are inclined to create a traditional marriage, as they value mutual assistance, support and strive to make living together as comfortable as possible.

Capricorns and Geminis welcome separate living spouses. But at the same time, in the territory of the other half, they feel at home and also take care of them and solve everyday problems together. Such relationships sooner or later end in unification.

Pisces and Cancer in theory, they can support the idea of a guest marriage, since their fantasies paint a rather rosy picture of spouses holding infrequent but joyful meetings. In fact, they will not want to let go of their loved one for a long time, and guest relations for these signs won't fit. Sooner or later such a marriage will fall apart.

Guest marriage that will lead to divorce

Libra, Scorpio and Aquarius are of the opinion that spouses should live together. They have a high need to share their experiences with their partner, so he should be nearby. Aquarians can accept a guest marriage only if he is not the host, but will pay visits to his half.

Pros and cons of guest marriage

Some spouses are very comfortable in a guest relationship, and this marriage can continue for many years

Relationships in which both partners live separately have a lot of advantages:

There are no disagreements regarding the arrangement of everyday life. If spouses have different habits, regimes and tastes in nutrition, then living separately is very convenient, since there is no need to constantly adapt to each other and accumulate irritation.
If spouses prefer to maintain a separate budget, then during a guest marriage it is much more convenient to do this.
When living separately between spouses, romantic relationships last longer, and meetings will be emotionally brighter and more joyful.
Spouses who live separately can arrange their leisure time according to their liking and engage in their favorite hobby at a convenient time.
Breaking up a relationship in a guest format is less painful, since there is no such strong attachment to a partner as in traditional cohabitation.

Happy spouses in a guest marriage

Despite such pleasant advantages of guest marriage, we can also highlight a lot of shortcomings. Therefore, most families still prefer to live together according to the traditional way of life.

Negative aspects of guest marriage:

In a guest marriage, it is very difficult to achieve the emotional intimacy that develops when living together.
Mutual assistance in the event of financial difficulties, illness of one of the spouses or other problems in a guest marriage is very rare. Often, spouses prefer not to bore each other with their own problems.
The main problem of a guest marriage is the harmonious upbringing of common children. Since a child needs to grow up in a full-fledged family and spend free time with his parents, guest relations can lead to problems in raising children.

Quarrels in a guest marriage

Guest marriage for women

Women by nature are more tend to create a strong family and home. But in the modern world, women have the opportunity to develop professionally and be financially independent. This gradually led to the fact that there is no desire to give in to a marriage partner, change your habits, or sacrifice personal comfort.

Guest marriage is suitable for those women women who are comfortable alone and prioritize independence from men. This autonomy allows them to feel more important.

A guest marriage for a woman is needed when she reaches adulthood and does not want to get used to the habits and character of a man in a new marriage. In this case, separation – the best option for a calm, comfortable relationship.

Often those women who have minor children from previous relationships adhere to separation. They are in no hurry to move on to a traditional marriage until they are sure that her chosen one and the children will not find a common language.

Guest marriage for men

The man is considered the main breadwinner in the family. Therefore, with a separate marriage format, he mainly benefits, since there is no need to be torn between responsibilities at work and in the family. Yes and economically very profitable run the household alone.

Often men who belong to the introverted personality type are prone to the form of guest marriage. It is important for them to have a personal space where they can go whenever they want

In a traditional marriage, such silent “goings” to another room by the spouse would most likely cause bewilderment or dissatisfaction. Therefore, the guest marriage format is perfect for such people.

But on the other hand, a man psychologically difficult to be without the support of your spouse. Sooner or later, a spouse living in another territory will feel a lack in emotional terms and feel the inferiority of life. This happens when there is no constant access to the love and care of your other half.

Guest marriage for a man and a woman

Guest marriage is a term that is not yet known to everyone, but at the same time gaining popularity. Relationships of this format are increasingly supported by young people who find it more convenient to live separately and not get used to each other’s personalities and not solve common everyday problems. Sometimes a guest marriage gradually turns into a traditional one. And sometimes it leads to a breakup, since feelings tend to fade away at a distance.

To find out 9 arguments that can prompt a guest marriage, watch the video: